Friendsgiving: A Wonderful New Concept
I love this new term, and I think it is the wave of the future. As we move into the fifth dimension, we are not going to be able to take all of our relations with us. You may decide that in spite of your love for your family, you have moved on to a higher stage of consciousness and do not have much in common with them anymore, making holiday dinners a drag–this can often be reflected in something as simple as the menu: You may find that due to your new dietary requirements you can’t eat half of the food that is served at your relatives’ traditional holiday dinner—do you really think the vegan, gluten free, non-GMO, organic stuffing that you plan to bring is going to be a success? Now you know your daddy is not going to eat that!
Whatever you do, don’t get into a debate about politics—spiritually awakened people’s viewpoints on politics are almost always a recipe for a nasty argument—tread lightly. This is a very difficult, painful reality for many people on the spiritual path. Spiritual people find that as they move forward on their spiritual journey they meet new people on the path who resonate with them; these people can and most likely will become your “tribe” or second family. You may find yourself yearning to spend more time with them instead of your blood relatives. If you have a dysfunctional family, or no family at all, holidays with friends may be the best and only healthy option.
The Honor of being a Friend
You can’t change who your family is, but what exactly is a family? I prefer to use the term “relatives” to describe the people you have blood relations to, or the group of relations that you have legally adopted into. A family can be the people that you are related to, but it can also be the people you have decided is a part of your intimate circle. Being a friend means that you were chosen, not obligated into a relationship, and that is an honor. If you cannot stomach your family, then create your own tribe. Accept any invitations you may receive to join a friend for holiday dinner, or ask if you can tag along if you are comfortable. Or, you can host a Friendsgiving and invite your friends!
How to Take Charge and Create the Holiday You Deserve (or help a friend to do so)
- If you have wonderful (or at least healthy) family holiday gatherings, then try to invite a friend who is not as fortunate. This is wonderful gesture that will not be forgotten by your friend.
- If you don’t have a healthy family to celebrate with, ask one of your closest friends if you can tag along with their family. I suggest starting with your closest friends first—you will be more likely to get a “yes” if their family knows you or has at least met you once. If you’re a little intimidated, then try asking if you could come over after dinner for dessert. This is a little less imposing if space or food resources might be limited. And of course, don’t be tacky and show up empty handed. Offer to bring a dish, dessert, or alcoholic beverage, even if you do not drink yourself. Don’t worry about spending a lot—it’s the thought that counts!
- Take charge and have your own Friendsgiving/Christmas-Giving! Are you a decent cook or do you have the resources to cater a holiday meal? Then you can host dinner! Make dinner and invite all of your friends. If you are feeling particularly generous, ask your friends if they know anybody who needs a place to go for holiday dinner. No real friend will refer anyone who will be dangerous or a significant pain in the neck.
- Host an after holiday-dinner party. If you aren’t comfortable making dinner, or don’t have enough family-less friends to have a potluck dinner, have a holiday get-together in the evening. Buy desserts, wine, and coffee and invite friends over to play cards, or watch movies after they have dinner with their families.
- Invite friends to an event after holiday dinner. When I was younger, some of my cousins or friends would meet up to hang out after our fun family holiday dinner since we were all free and didn’t have to go to work the next day. Organize a meet up for a late movie or go see a music performance or show together. Hit the bar and have some drinks, if that is what you are into (make sure to take a salt bath when you get home–bars and clubs have notoriously bad energy). You can treat yourself to a nice meal on your own and then have fun with friends later—it beats a lonely night in on your own.
- If you are worried about people accepting your invitation, you can have an event the day after or weekend of a holiday. So you might be on your own for Christmas Day, but you can have a fun potluck or movie night the next day!
If All Else Fails…
Sometimes all of your plans fail. It happens. Maybe you just moved to a new city for a new job and you can’t afford airfare to get home. Maybe your plans to spend time with a friend for the holidays fell through at the last minute and you couldn’t find another option soon enough. If so, it is possible to get through a holiday if you don’t have anyone to spend it with. Read the post What to do if You’re Alone During the Holidays.